Looking For Love | “Why are you single?”

By Annie Goodman

Are people serious when they ask this question? If so, how do they expect me or any other single person to respond? I have been asked this more times than I can count or even care to think about. Usually I respond with something very vague – “Oh, I just haven’t found the one yet” – or I try to laugh it off. But just for a minute, let me humor you by getting something straight.

I am very much aware that I am single. I don’t need you or anyone else to state the obvious. Just because you are married or in a relationship does not give you the one up on me, it does not make you better than me, and it doesn’t give you the right to make more statements about me, my age and the fact that I am still single.

Being single does not mean I have some kind of void in my life, or that I am missing out. I am very happy with my life. Sure, there are times when I wish I had a significant other to do things with me, but I do not for a second think that being in a relationship will “complete me.” I have had people tell me that at my age I can’t afford to be picky, but my response to them is I won’t settle. Also, there is nothing wrong with me, other than I might be a little picky and somewhat guarded. Many years ago, I was in an on-again, off-again relationship and was settling. Now, 11 years later, I am comfortable in my own skin, with who I am and what I want, and I am not ok with settling for someone with whom I could potentially spend the rest of my life.

I want to be with a simple, mature guy who will make the best boyfriend and quite possibly the best husband. A guy who is a doer and a go-getter, but who also knows how to chill out and relax. Someone who doesn’t play games and whose intentions are true. A sweet, genuine guy who knows how to make me laugh and who even dotes on me just a little bit. Someone who isn’t afraid of being with a strong-willed, independent girl, but who also knows when I need to be grounded and isn’t afraid to do so. Above all, a guy my dad approves of: someone who is stable, committed and is good to me.

My parents have been married for 46 years and even though I will probably never be married for that many years, ultimately I want what they have: an equal partnership between two people who love each other and their family beyond measure, who have sacrificed a lot to get their kids where they need to be in this life, and who would do just about anything to make their kids or grandkids happy.

So until I find someone who can bring these things to the table then yes, I am still single, and now you know why.

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